Groggy Mornings

So i'm just sitting in the lab at school, very tired and dazed out a bit. I am feeling really isolated, mentally. Lack of 'activity' in life seems to really stun my growth. As obvious as that may sound, desperateness can get you feeling edgy. Well, I try to make my day as fulfilling as possible - go to school, job search, study, read, socialize, do some sports - something to keep me sane and healthy in mind/body/soul/spirt - as opposed to sleeping at home, watch TV or geek myself out on the computer and wining at myself, thereby depleting any hope of a future. Hopefully I get out of this unemployment phase soooon. 'Income" and "Experience" - the two words that echo in my mind everday, every moment, perhaps every second, sub-consciously. I dream of travel. Yes, "I need to get outta Canada", as most would have heard me make the mention. Boredom and its pervasive effects slowly manifests itself throughout my daily life. Everything seems kind of routine, repetitive, exhausting. I guess people will go through these phases in life, in one form or another. I still yearn to see the light of a fresh start, a reprogrammed routine of sorts. Of course, changing ones life requires changing ones daily activities - a new journey begins with the first step. Still waiting..........................I need food. I should actually be studying right now but I guess I choose to write/type, whatever. I guess the only thing I am looking forward to at the moment is the $20 I will be making in participating in some Schulich research study survey - how sad. But hey, its going to score me lunch. Yeah, I'll write more later.

Inspired to blog again

I know that I havn't posted for so long, but its true, i'm inspired to blog again. Who knows how long it will take for me create my next post, but let me get into the details about my inspiration. Facebook! (It could have been Friendster, but it seems that facebook has much more to tinker with, although, they both have their comparable advantages) Anyhow, I was playing with the "My Note" option in facebook and to my curiousity, why not play with these 'RSS/Atom' site feed options. I never knew what they were really for, so I went and tested it out. To my astonishment, I discovered that I could transfer my entire blog into some other site via XML technology. For those of you that don't know what that is, XML stands for eXtensible Markup Language and was designed to describe data and to focus on what data is. For those technically-challenged, XML's purpose is to structure, store and to send information - kinda like a mobile data holder for use over the Internet; whereas, HTML is focused on diplaying data (Yay, I learn't something in school!). The speed in which it grabbed all the information and then re-formatted it into Facebook format is truely awesome. I recall doing small XML projects in school, but to see in action at this level is f'n awesome! Its funny how the smallest and simplest technological phenomena is able to tickle my mind. But anyway, XML rules!
*run's away with arms in the air*

Sure, a little techno-nerd stuff to start off my post might make some sleepy, but after so long, wouldn't anyone want to hear about whats going on in life? NOTHING, the end, gtg ttyl.
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Of course, no. Well, I have really been quite lazy these last couple of days/weeks/months? Different friends will say different things. But yes, if what thy whispers tell me, I really should be getting a job. I admit I have been suffering from the worst case of post-graduation-laziness-sit-in-your-bed-all-day illness. But how long does this need to last? I am in a point in my life where I should be making some sort of income. I still want to fit in time for more school, travelling, and doing all these ambitious things at this (hopefully young) age, but I still need to keep steady and be able to pay for bills and stuff. Having expressed an interest in "moving out" is ludicrous, considering where I am. I have been going out here and there, but thats ALL I have been doing. My financial situation is really paddling its way "up sh*ts creek" as they say. With OSAP re-payment on the verge, how will I acheive this balance I dream for? I have this vision, of where I want to be, but will it be viable? and is it worth it all? So much to think about. For now, I just want something small, so I atleast can make income while looking for something else. I always wanted to teach ice skating; handed in my resume to the local community centre, but havn't received a response yet. Hmmm.. travel plans... my mom has been itching/pushing me to work in Hong Kong, but I always wanted to work in mainland China, plus I have friends there too. Maybe I could start teaching english to start out with. In any case, the essential thing is to make a timeline and just go with it. Need to learn some more Mandarin as well. Blahh - LSATS! Have to start prepping more for this. I guess I'll join pre-law society again and do some serious studying this time. Thats whats been on my mind thus far these days. I really need to find a job though. I started to tap into fraternity contacts - thats how overly desperate I am! Although, I really should have done this earlier. They say 20% of jobs out there are openly posted to the public (including online postings), yet the rest remain through other means. Time to put that to the test!

Well, I hope this makes for a lengthy enough post, so perhaps I'll post some more later on, or.. next year?? LoL we'll see.

Canadian Idol

Yes, I actually went. But NO! I did not audition, it was my sister who did. Though she didn't make it to the next round, I believe it was a worthwhile experience for her and she definately had way too much fun there, more than me atleast. Having have left the house at 4:30 am in the morning to line up at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre was definately a new experience. Check these out:




A new "experience" indeed. Standing in the middle of not what appeared to be a line up, but in fact, a zoo. You see those cages? LoL. That was the "line-up" at 6am in morning prior to the actual 10am opening. I wish I could put more pic's up. Most of the other stuff in the camera consisted of video's I took. One thing which surprises me the most is how DIRTY we are as a human species. One look across the surface of the floor (which people were literally sleeping on, including me) would leave you completely flabbergasted. Can't we as humans possess the dignity to to make use of the proverbial "garbage bag", I mean, there was sh!t all over the place: traces of liquid streamed across the floor, pop cans, unfinished muffins, pizza boxes, newspaper, playing cards scattered everywhere - this was just a complete mess and we were INDOORS. I wouldn't be surprised if I saw human waste. It was looking more like a zoo as you would progress through the line. Another thing I noticed was that someone started to pass a penny down the line up, a token of good luck I suppose. But it did not reach us. Why? Some dumb ass cheap facker decided to pocket the darn thing. Haha. I dunno about you guys but if you were standing there that day, you would see a good portrayal of the animal instincts of the human species. People lying around and making sh!t all over the place. Those black people, were quite boisterous too. They like to make fun of white guys and make fun of media directors who are fat. One of them had walked down the aisle and asked "how are you guys here doing?" and this black guy goes "lost weight!", followed by a brief laughter from the crowd. *sigh*

As the line up finally moved upstairs, my sister finally got her number: 05422. After the registration process, we were motioned into the grandeur of another room. The opening of the event consisted of the introduction of everything and the procedures in what was to come and how things worked. The room was litterally packed to the walls with thousands of people, there was actually 6595 contestants in total (that does not include the guests), so you can imagine how packed the one room was. Ben Mulroney, the Canadian Idol host, was all over the place. The camera was everywhere, filming some really weird people with awkward sense of characters and other people who were simply sleeping. I would love to see these people get on TV (I just hope I don't see myself). Another thing that I observed was how so many things are so FAKE in the media. Not that this is a surprise, its just that the the lengths they go to make things seem real. My sister and I got to be background persons in this part that Ben Mulroney kept on rehearsing. I forgot what he was saying, it went something like "Welcome back to the Canadian Idol, the last stop, Toronto, blah blah blah", followed by cheers from the crowd (which was choreographed by the camera man). Fake! But nevertheless, it was neat to see what actually happens. I slept through most of the process, I needed to sleep bad. I spent some time catching up on my reading as well, this novel i'm still finishing. They finally called my sister up, I was pretty excited for her. She was singing almost every night out loud for the last year or so (probably longer) and I would say this would be one of her best hobbies next to the keyboard she has in her room, she even writes her own lyrics sometimes. Though she didn't make it into the next round, I'm still proud that she tried. I would say some of these people had their own coaches, some of them were really good, and some of them were quite bad, and some I was surprised the made it past the 2nd round. I guess some people are born to make it on TV. This was pretty much a talent show which did not just mean you should just sing. One thing they looked for most was character, if you're not media material, you're outta there. Although I think my sister chose to sing some things that were probably too common, ie. Christina Aguilera - Soar, Celine Dion. I forget what Celine Dion she sang, but I think she should have sung more Canadian content, since it was pretty much a Canadian competition. I believe she had atleast a slight chance had she received a bit of coaching as well. I'm glad she wasn't devasted or anything. "Ton's of fun" as she says, and she got to meet a bunch of people. Anyways, quite an interesting day indeed. I hope I don't have to go to this thing next year! 10 hours to sit there and sleep for a whole day. Now how would you rate me as a brother? lol. Okay, I should end it here.

Ah..the summer.

Yes yes, it's been awhile. I was reading up on everyone's blogs and catching up with you people and I thought, why don't I update mine? Indeed, I should take more initiative this summer to write in this thing. It's been a good start to the summer so far. I have finally unloaded myself of the burden from YUBC. A heart touching day it was - well perhaps maybe for me, I don't know about you other guys - you all sure had a celebration after, maybe because I'm finally off the council! haha. Well, after being apart of the club since 2002, I thought it was time. Now, here we go with the whole sentimental digression, one in which I can reflect from the past, not just from YUBC, but in general...and perhaps usher in for whats to come next year.

It's almost as if it's been one whole story. Well it all started when I was a simple "member" of the club. Back when membership cost only $7. Oh I loved Badminton. Through some miraculous occurences I had the opportunity to become General Manager, Vice-president and then President. It's nice reflecting back...to see all the people I met along the way, to see how I've changed through those people. I've probably changed as much as this school has. I've lost count to how many new buildings have arrived. When I arrived at York for the first time, there was no such thing as the TEL building, or the new Schulich building. There was no such thing as the Computer Science and Engineering building. PS2 was always known to be a console for gaming before it was suggested to be a parking structure. But hey, there is also a PS1 and PS3 now! Anyone ever knew that? Hmm.. the integration of the new Student Services Centre - where my old office resides. York has even changed their whole image with it's whole "U" thing. I still think they should have kept part of the old crest in tact. Hmm, the arrival of the Rexall Centre, the new structural developments at Tait. The GO bus system wasn't as popular as it is now. Now we have the arrival of two accolade structures? Geez, it's all been quite a run. I have to come back to this school like 10 years from now and see what it's like. For the things that York has given me (despite the low marks), I am grateful for coming here. Thank you Ryerson for rejecting me! haha. I think the most important thing I took was moving from the "I" to the "WE" ideology, realizing the distinction between the leader and a follower. Bullshit you say? Indeed it is. Leadership is more than a title - it's an art! Rendered in many forms of action or voice; and it's hard. It comes with it's pitfalls, as I realized this year. I think there were so many things I could have done better. Only thing I can do is learn, and learning is moving forward. I'm excited to see what's on my plate for next year. I just hope I don't fill it up as much as I did this year. I've made a list of what possible things I could do in the Fall, but the most important thing will be to finish School!

But back to my summer... I have spent the last few days contemplating about what to do. So far my priorities include (from highest to lowest): Summer school, keeping my research assistant job (i hope), doing that business thing I always wanted to do, dragonboat, golf school and I hope to volunteer somewhere. I pray that these will all materialize into a manageable schedule. I will try my best. Another thing I wanted to do in my spare time is catch up with some reading, there are so many books i've piled up on top of my TV waiting to be cracked opened. Hopefully I'll be seeing most of you's this summer as well, but my biggest insecurity at the moment is money! I'm really counting on my 2nd and 3rd priorities for this, else I'll have to make compromise with some of the other stuff I've listed in lieu of another job. Despite the depressing weather we've been having lately, I look forward to a mega-charged wild summer!

The Winter Blisssssssssss (no, this isn't sophklish - inside joke!)

(the weird intro)

Ahh, tis' that time of the season. That time, where...the air gets cold, the night becomes silent, the silver bells-a-start jinglin, Santa begin's to check his list twice (to see if you've been naughty or nice - OH PLEASE SKIP MY NAME), the season where, "frosty" is a snowman (as opposed to a 99 cent ice cream from wendys), the time in which, we count down the 12 days of Christmas, and sing 'Joy to the world!", yes...you're thinking...what the? what could he be thinking! blah-blah-blah....well DUHH!!! CHRISTMAS you ask????

(the realization)

Sorry my friends, that's not the answer. I gave you the wrong songs. I think you can gauge a better sense of what i'm gettin at from this song: "LET IT SNOW! LET IT SNOW! LET IT SNOW!". Yes!!!! the Snowwww!! Which brings me back to why i'm blogging at the moment. The snow. THE SNOW! Just thinking about it brings me to joy. But as I look out through, my window, I can't help but think of the countless memories in which I conjure at this very moment. Simply staring at 'snow' leaves me captivated or sooooo consumed to the point where I feel hypnotized or, so retarted-looking that it seems like I just injected some weird S#*T into my veins. Ahh.. the snow. It makes me love the cold so much. Yes, all because of this...PROFUSE amount of white stuff falling from the sky, touching the ground oh-so gently that it almost brings me to tears. Just observing how it reflects light so vibrantly accentuates this emotional sentiment i'm experiencing, as the title says, winter bliss.

(the countless memories)

Exactly how does it happen? How does this white blanket of matter have such an impact on me? Ahhh.. it is much too hard to integrate such thoughts into some cohevsive or comprehensible form. The smile on my face while building a snow man with my dad on that cold winter night, I had to be atleast 6/7 years old? the time I made pizza shapes out of snow with a friend of mine, as to immitate the ninja turtles? (rk, i know you remember that, haha), the endless snowball battles as a child? skiing for my first time? memories from my gr 8 quebec visit in the winter?skiiing in the dead cold of the HUGE mountains in switzerland? the incessant visits to the lakeridge ski resort? taking my sister out taboganning out in the streets and she would laugh so much!, we also saw this made up hill on our old street and slide down it every single year, and also played hockey with her immediately on the first sight of snow? sliding down with my snowpants down the hills at my public school during recess? meeting up with a majority of my family EVERY SINGLE year in Napanee just to open presents under a huge christmas tree? and ummm.... HOCKEY! HOCKEY!HOCKEY! HOCKEY! oh did i mention hockey? The list just goes on and will continue to expand!

(the outro)

What can I say? Life is what we make of it. Saying something like, "I am thankful for my experiences" is an understatement to what I've experienced. I am MORE than thankful, for how I have changed, and how i've changed the things around me, and I am truely indebted to my family, my friends - you know who ya'll are, and anyone else who have come and gone through my life. I can't stress enough how much I owe to you all. Please, you all rule! ANYWAYS, I want to wish everyone a "merry christmas and a happy new years!" OKOK, i'll stop with the songs.. haha. I'm just in that.. sprit ya know? okok, lates! In case you wanted to hear something really nice, click there -> Here (let it load, or right-click and save!). I was listening to it while writing this blog entry, perfect for this entry! Reminds me of the winter snow. Thanks TL for sending the song awhile back! *thumbs up*

Simple equanimity...

How can I describe it. The last few days/weeks have been quite...onerous. The midterms, assignments, yubc, irritating thoughts...STRESS, simply put. But i'm not going into detail about any of that. After finishing some notes I had to type up, I finally got to head out of the house and head for school. The bus ride towards school was quite moving. Now I don't mean that in a literal sense, like as if i'm changing location (which I really was) but what I really meant was emotionally moving. I reached into my bag and turned my MP3 player on to listen to some soothing piano tunes. I don't know if any of you's experienced this, but as the bus finally got onto the highway (the GO bus, not the TTC) and sped up to it's usual speed...I looked up to the sky. NO, I didn't see God or any other devine thing; but I experienced something amazing, something that kept me at a really relaxed state of mind, something I needed BAD! I don't know, I guess it was a combination of the tranquil music, the nicely padded seats on a bus moving at a high velocity, the smooth but ominous clouds over-shadowing the bright landscape, only to be textured by those weird flashing lights on those airplanes you see up in the sky sometimes; it was quite a surreal experience I guess. Everything around me, and all those stressful thoughts had come to a slow. The music kept playing, the bus kept moving, it was all too great. Time away from time - something I can only experience when I leave the house at 3:25PM each day for the GO station.

Philosophical Rant #2 - Power-Dependency Theory

Okay, i'm reviewing some of my notes from my management policy class. My professor gives some of the most awkward examples sometimes when he's trying to describe or analyse a business case. One thing we ran by was the idea of bargaining power; weather its between your business and your buyers (end-users), or between you and your suppliers (ppl who feed resources into your business). The interesting issue here was, how one of these 3 parties (buyer/your company/suppliers) can have "power" to control one's behavior over the other. Let me expand. Suppose any company, say Starbucks - they sell coffee (duhhh!). Okay, buyers = ppl who buy the coffee, suppliers = ppl who give you beans and flavoring for you to make your coffee. We question, who has more power to control the behavior of the other? Answer, it lies in the ability of one of the parties to switch over the other. Implications? If one had the power to control the behavior over the other, then obviously one of the parties loses out on something, and the other doesn't lose anything. So b/w Starbucks and their supplier (those bean ppl), who has more power? who has the greater ability to switch? If those bean growers decide to sell their beans elsewhere, starbucks loses out; but if Starbucks chooses to import beans from another farmer, then Starbucks has the greater switching power. It is a simple and structured concept almost anyone can comprehend, and its, what the title of this blog says, power-dependency theory.

Well, now that i've mentioned that, what the hell does this have to do with me? This is quite interesting actually. Well silly me, having the lowest attention span in class, my mind, my thoughts drifting out of the classroom discussion, I think, how does this apply in our personal life? I realize now that this is something common everywhere. For example, my mother, she's a hardcore bargainer when it comes to speaking with those chinese store owners like at Pacific mall, or First Markahm. Bargaining is about gettin a deal. What did my mom do? There was this one day I wanted these Oakley shades. My mom suggested going to this optical place at First Markham. After researching this product for awhile, I knew exactly what I wanted. Blue W-Square 2.0 glasses. So my mom speaks to the lady there, and tries to land a deal. Ya'll know how the process goes, one person tries to keep asking for a better prices, while the other seems hesitant and tries their best to make money as much as possible. In the end, my mom managed to bargain down to 100 bux off the regular price. Her strategy? At the right moment, my mom just said, "ngor day jow ah!" - the equivalent to "Lets get outta here!", because we aint' gettin a deal. So my mom motions towards the exit, and i'm just sittin there, "crap, i want them". Reluctantly, I stood up and ready to leave, and at the last moment: "Wait!" - said the store person. My mom spoke a bit more jibberish with them, and boom, $100 off! All I could say is, woah! Okay, in this scenario, my mom made it completely obvious that she exhibited the greater power to switch.

Hmm, well it was all obvious wasn't it? All that was simple logic, and probably most of us do it anyway. Any simple person could snag a deal like that on the street any day. I suppose the next thing to move onto, where else can this power-dependency shit apply? I realize its a concept that exists everywhere, in all faucets of our lives. How about b/w ppl? how bout leaders? the government, the prime-minister - they are people of great power, do we depend on them? I say no! it's not like they can switch us for someone else, but I suppose we as voters have more power over them in a sense (definately in North America atleast). How bout individuals? Personal relationships. Between family? Ugh, bad thought. The most surprising example came from my professor, between boyfriend and girlfriend.. LOL. Might sound unethical, but who'd have more power? who could have more switching power over the other? I guess I realize this is a concept that i've been a victim of in the past, and it just makes total sense. I think everyone in our class had come to a genuine realization of this concept when the prof mentioned it. It's interesting how such a theory can affect all of us in many ways. Can anyone think of more examples?